A life in transition: mannerisms

A life in transition: Mannerisms



*I've decided to record some of my thoughts about certain things while I have "a life in transition", these thoughts won't be in any order. They're just things I'd like to get off my chest, when they come to mind ya know?



Mannerisms:

You don't think too much or read too much into them, society indoctrinates you into your gender role(s) from birth to death and expect you to adhere to them. When you're younger, you don't know that much nor the way of the world. So how are you supposed to know any different? Typically the teen years is when people are exposed to new ways of things and/or old things they never new about.

Teen years are time of change little by little for most, mass change for some, etc etc. This is typically when people begin to branch out from their ideals, morals, beliefs, etc etc established by their family and/or whatever form of upbringing someone has. A lot of teens realize many things around this time, such as that the come to the conscious realization that they are gay, for example.

In my younger teen years, I began to have thoughts that I knew weren't "normal". Had society (and my family) not been so ridged, perhaps like kim petras I could have realized much earlier on that I could have had come to realization and terms with the fact I've wanted to be female for years. I have Asperger's syndrome, which I can't imagine was all that easy to raise a child that has that, especially when your mother doesn't want you to be treated all that different.

Probably would have made things all that much harder on our hard family situation at the time, but isn't the pursuit of your true self in some form worth it? When you're an adult like myself, you'd like to think as much, even though you acknowledge it would have made things difficult. Things that are most rewarding in the end, are never easy.

It's only recently, now that I've come to terms with the fact that I don't feel all that great being male...that mannerisms I've had over the years, weren't male. You tend to push these thoughts out of your head for years, mostly because you think it's wrong that you do these things. Remember those gender roles you're supposed to adhere to?

It's little things, that serve as the biggest hint that someone is straight...gay...trans, etc etc. The things people do every day that you don't even think about, but it's how someone does it that is biggest clue as to their true self. For me it was the little things that prove to me now, that I've been this way for years and suppressed that part of me because I thought it was wrong to have the thoughts and mannerisms.

How you sit is something minor, but can be a big clue too. I realize that how I sit, more often than not...is typically how I see females sit. Perhaps that's just human nature, monkey see monkey do mentality right? It could be that it is just an example of my inherent mimicry skills, which may or may not be a part of my having asperger's syndrome. Okay, I'll give you that.

But there are other things, sometimes I realize that I have a feminine walk. Again, you might say I could just be mimicking the gal walking ahead of me, which might be true. Sometimes I unintentionally copy things people do or say, I admit that much. Hair is another thing, when I grow my hair out i brush my hair out of my face or tuck it behind my ears much in the way that I've seen females do more so than males.

Say things like those to your average person, and they'll chalk it up to the monkey see monkey do mentality. You know they do, it's quite obvious in many societies the world over. But as I said, those are just some examples of little things that can be telltale signs of something else.

How you speak is another, which can show people you're smart...dumb...gay...straight...etc etc. I'm sure everyone knows the stereotypical "gay voice" that people are supposedly to talk in, which indicates they aren't straight. But over the years I've come to realize, I've heard people who are gay talk like they were "normal" straight people. Even though they are publicly gay, "act" gay...so on and so forth.

How you get dressed is also something you should watch for, I only realized recently...that even though I'm a physically a male and dress in male clothes, I realize that my dressing ritual (how I go about dressing and/or undressing) is in ways that I've seen females do and not so much males. Like I said, you don't really think about these things. The manner in which you get dressed no matter what clothes you dress in, it's just something we do everyday and don't focus on too much.

It's just getting dressed, it's not as important as what you wear and what order you put on your clothes...the mannerisms you have when getting dressed is just something you push out of your mind because its something you do everyday. Society tries it's best to show you the ways it wants you to get dressed, mostly due to your gender role(s). So the manner in which you get dressed isn't that big a deal to them, as long as the men wear something like a suit and tie...and women wear dresses or dress suits depending on their jobs and/or careers.

So that's just some of the things in our society we do on a daily basis, our mannerisms on how we do things usually can tell other people alot about us. More importantly, it can be how we can tell our own selves something about us we need to know.